Truthfully - I try to carry on whether it is 'coffee day' or not & coffee DOES always make things a but brighter !!
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
How does a coffee lover hit on a woman?
I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What’s black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard.
How does Moses make his coffee?
What did the coffee lover name his son?
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?
Because according to the Torah, He Brews!
How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?
One person think its grounds for divorce.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
How is it a sin for a woman to make coffee?
The Bible clearly says “He-brews”
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.
“Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.”
“Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
My favorites are
#3, 4, 7, 10, 24, and 26 (the last one only able to be fully appreciated by those of us who are mature enough to remember Mrs. Olson).
Some of those jokes could use a filter, but hopefully there's no trouble brewing from the PC committee.
Thanks for the laughs!
Thanks for the funny and sometimes cringey humor. At one point in the storied history of coffee, it really was thought to be a revolutionary drink and so it was banned and some heads rolled.
"The trouble begins! Just over 50 years after coffee houses gain popularity in Mecca, Governor Khayr Bey bans the drink, fearing its influence promoted energized discussions In 1511 Governor Khayr Bey bans coffee in Mecca. Riots break out, and debates that could lead to opposition to his rule. He shuts down shops as far away as Constantinople. Riots break out, unrest spreads! And just when it appears a coffee revolution could erupt, the Sultan of Cairo intervenes. He sends word that coffee is sacred and has the Governor executed. Off with his head! The lesson here my fellow coffee lovers is, to always consult with your Superior first before making a rash decision and never, ever cut-off your bosses' coffee supply"
Thanks for replying here Folks !!
I did copy them directly from where I found them with no intention other than trying to make for some coffee laughter on 'coffee day' !!
Also, I do agree some are a bit harsh even by my rather loose standards, while at the same time I prefer to avoid censorship, so I left the list as-is with no intention to offend anyone.
Life is always better with a good cup of coffee in-hand !!
(And no injuries to anyone, please ?!?)