Freedom to Steal is a Right

Damn Yankees---how dare they complain about the Red Sox stealing signs. Any American in their right mind knows that stealing signs in baseball is a necessary and sufficient condition required for its existence. Take away sign stealing and it becomes something other than baseball. When we see players in the dugout scratching their crotches and propelling sunflower seed shells from their mouths, this is just a ruse to avert one from the mental code breaking work taking place, work that might put Alan Turing to shame. Mo Berg whose day job was a major league catcher for many years was also a spy for American OSS services in his after games job, who was just one example of a code breaking ballplayer. Have you ever wondered why teams keep some lousy bench warmers on the team when it's obvious they will never be able to hit a curveball? Because they possess exceptional sign stealing skills, and every team needs a few of these spies in order to decipher the other teams evil intentions. That said, it's only fitting that baseball has evolved along with society and incorporated modern technology into their code breaking tool boxes. Now the Yankees want to upset the apple cart by claiming the Red Sox stole their signs with Apple watches, blah, blah, blah. The Bronx Bombers from the Big Apple my foot.

Et tu, Brute!

The person who exerts the most direct external influence on my quality of my life is not simply a life-long Yankees fan but may be the the team's most fanatical fan. There is no other topic on which I receive a more constant, detailed, and highly-opinionated flow of information, rumor, speculation, musings and insights including those from other fanatics in that person's circle of manic Yankeephiles.

I will refer your analysis to that expert for review.

Should I survive the volcanic response, I will attempt to summarize the reaction in a manner that will not unduly test the bounds of civility.

As to the substance of your contention, I am certain it will be seen as an attempt to cast a shadow over the sterling reputation of the team that defines the very essence of the nation's favorite pastime.

Unless, the umpire calls out specific behavior, then according to the rules, no harm, no foul and the behavior is not material to the outcome.

So according to the governing law, the issue is moot, except in the all-important court of fan opinion.

Of course, unlike areas such as politics, where people in this country can have calm, rational discussions of different perspective, Yankee baseball matters cause otherwise sensible people to lose all sense of proportion and reality.


Another piece in the NYT today which also talks about the counterclaim of Yankee spying.

"Red Sox Used Electronic Devices to Steal Yankees Sign"


The picture tells the story.

I applaud commissioner Manfred for being firm and saying that there will be a rigorous investigation that will result in nothing, thereby keeping the game pure, as it should be.

Methinks the Yankees are suffering from paranoia, for now they think a rubber mouth guard when worn on a player's ear is actually a sophisticated spy device. They may be in need of some therapy.